We are nearly at the end of July and that scares me so so much. Half a year has pretty much flown by, and it honestly feels like I’ve just blinked and missed it all. Blink-182’s name finally makes sense! For some reason, I feel a little bit lost. I don’t really know what I want to do, and now I’m officially an adult at 18, it just seems like everyone wants me to have my life together.
About a month ago I started a full time job. I just finished my exams and thought, as I wasn’t going to uni in September it was the right thing to do. It wasn’t. I hated it, I just knew it wasn’t for me and I couldn’t really see myself having a future there. Not only that but personal circumstances kind of forced my hand into quitting. It was a great company, but just not for me. I’ve never found myself without a job since I got my first job, and the prospect of not having one terrified me a lot! Luckily I managed to bag myself another job, this one being part time but still with decent hours and pay. This new job feels so much more ‘me’. I’m a strong believer in listening to your instincts, after all no one knows me better than me. Despite being in the dark for a while, it worked out.
This all got me thinking about my long term future. I know I want to go to uni, I want to be a nurse so it’s a requirement. I’m just so scared I’ll hate the theory side that I won’t achieve something I’ve dreamt about because I’ll quit. I know I’m not a quitter and this blog has almost proved that to me, even if I have taken breaks, I’ve always come back, but I still can’t help feeling like I’m being pulled in so many different directions that ultimately I feel lost. I just wish I had a fairy godmother who told me exactly what was going to happen and when.
My blog is almost the one thing that I always come back to. It feels right in a way that I want to still be doing this for a long time to come. The blogging world, especially the beauty one, has almost become a negative connotation in itself. It’s also been backed up by a few choice people who seem to think that there’s no space for the young new bloggers. I don’t think it’s right a 13 year old asking for help on Twitter in regards to her blog, should be shot down for having a blog by the people that have been blogging for years. Blogging doesn’t feel particularly like a healthy community when everyone is saying how ‘oversaturated’ it is either. The internet is big enough for everyone, with everyone being unique in how they take pictures or how they write their content. I love blogging, the community is a great sense of feeling even if a few people do ruin it all. I want my blog to be happy upbeat environment, but sometimes the face behind it all kind of needs to rant!
I do have some exciting new content that I’m actually pretty pleased about coming your way, and by content I mean a first ever outfit post. It’s pretty simple, but it’s an outfit post none the less. So expect to see the face of this blog in a blog post very soon.
All I know is this blog is here to stay, even if sometimes I do feel lost. It’s just hard being 18 and trying to find your place, and trying to figure out happiness at the same time. I don’t really know what the point of this post was, but it feels good to get these words off my chest.